For me

Ok so the first post today talked about running and stuff. Now I need to write one for me.

While sitting in the hot tub with Ivan we were talking about the gym and stuff. He would really like me to get into going more. He wants to spend an hour at the gym every day taking Sunday and Monday off from the schedule. I'm not too interested in going. So I try a compromise.

I really like the public pool here in Snohomish. I've been going to it since I was a little kid. How about going to the pool a couple times a week, then to the gym the other days? Sounds like a reasonable compromise. Right?

He didn't buy into it for some reason. Something about not enjoying swimming in lakes and rivers but not in public pools. This being said while we were hanging out in a somewhat public pool.

Then I get to thinking. Hockey is something he brought into our relationship. Running, gym, trips to Spokane. The people that are hanging out with us for our birthday are his friends. What things do we do that run along the lines of my hobbies and interests? Absolutely nothing.

I have only myself to blame for this. I started looking back. The friends I hung out with the past year all worked out at the jail. We all lost contact once the job finished up. I spent a lot of my time at the bar or at home drinking. I spent more time hanging out on the couch, eating candy and smoking pot. I didn't really have any fun hobbies.

Now that my drinking has slowed, and I've quit smoking pot (3 and a half months clean!!!) all my old "hobbies" are gone.

I'm feeling a little lost right now. Not working, not having friends around, not having anything that is... Well "ME". I have this need to do some soul searching. I need to do something for me. Everything I do lately seems to be for "us". I don't want to take a break from me and Ivan, I just need to work on my own self image. Everything I do can't be for him. I just don't know where to start.

So here it is friends and family. Please, please, please post a comment or send an email. I need some advice.

Love you all,
Tammy